LilVic, Furniture Maker Notsoextraordinaire

So I ordered some furniture about 2 weeks ago.  In my typical lazyass fashion, I went online to Leons, picked something and hit 'order'.  Much easier than wandering around the damned store and standing in line while some chicklet does the same damn thing for me.  That's just how I roll...meh...

So I picked this freaking awesome barstyle casual dining room set, complete with 6 barstools (imagine me...on a barstool..shocking....) and a couple of trendy chairs to fill this space by the window.  The tab was a little steep, but hey...I've mentioned before how God created the credit card on the second day.  It would be blasphemous to not make use of this gift.

Living in a condo is a pain in the ass a little when it comes to bringing in large items...you have to book the elevator.  Thanks to the high tech tabbed internet screens, I was able to flip back and forth to my condo's website (yeah...there's even a website) and the Leon's website...book the service elevator and the furniture delivery all at the same time.  How freaking cool is that?  Remember the Commodore 64?  Zoikers...

The next day I check my email and Leons sent a confirmation of my order.  It said the shit wasn't in stock.  wtf??  And here's a number to call with questions...  Damn right I'm calling that number...  I want my furniture .. I booked the elevator man...it was a done deal!!!  Internet = easy and it SAID the shit was in stock!  Cahmon!!

So I call the number.  Explained the dealio to chick on other end of phone.  She says 'hold please' and transfers me somewhere.

Tapping fingers....

I get her again and she makes another attempt, but these assholes are just not answering.  She gets all snippy with me on the phone and I ask for the manager.  He's on the phone.

Of course he is.

No worries, I'll hold.  (beeeeatch...oh yeah...you gotcherself a crusty old bag here...yo..yo)

He's still on the phone.  But miracle of miracles, someone else is in...and whammo, I'm transferred.

Now I've got some young girl on the line who looks up my order and confirms that everything is not in stock.

"But the internet said it was in stock, any chance the items are at another store?" I ask..after all, isn't there a friggin gazillion Leons stores in the GTA???

"Oh I'm not sure" says she.

sigh

"Aren't all the stores connected by computers?"

"Um...yeah...lemme check for you!"

Excellent plan.

And it turns out that one store had part of the order, and the store I was calling had the other part of the order.

"Okay...so can we pull it together and get it shipped on January 29th as scheduled?"

"Hang on, let me talk to the manager".  Thank gawd she had the power to yank the phone off the son of gun's head eh?

"Well, the other store only ships to us on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so we won't get it to you until the following week" says she.

"Let me get this straight" says me...."Today is Monday...and I'm asking for the furniture to be delivered a week from Friday...which leaves 2 Tuesdays and 2 Thursdays in between...and you can't get that to work?"

"No...it takes time to process as well".

I put the phone down for a minute and take a deep breath.  It's not her fault...it's not her fault...these people are fucking morons...must breathe...use small words...

"Can we arrange to have them deliver what they have to me instead...and you deliver what you have to me".

"Well they only make customer deliveries Monday through Saturday...."

OMG she did not just say that...

"That should work then since I'm looking for a Friday delivery".

Tap...tap...tap...."I'm so sorry...they just won't be able to process in time.  We can get you the order the first week of February?"  she offers cheerfully.

They must be using Commodore 64's.

"You know what honey, if you can't make the shipment, just cancel the order and I'll go somewhere else."

"Okay, but it will take 3 to 4 days for the credit to go through on your card."

Now I'm pissed.

"Let me get this straight...." says me "I place the order electronically yesterday, and the money comes out immediately...but today when I cancel it, I have to wait 4 days for the money to be electronically put back?"

This is fucking brilliant isn't it?

"ummmm...yeaaah" she says.

"Okay, I know it's not your fault, but now I'm pissed."  Yup, I pulled out the big guns.  Scary aren't I?

"Is there nothing you can do?  This just isn't right.."  I try the sistahood angle....

"Let me talk to the manager...can you hold?"

sweet

"HI!"  Oh now she's excited...cool..."I have some great news!  I can get the other store to deliver those items directly to you, and we'll deliver these items directly to you!"

Don't say it...just let it go and pretend that she's as fucking brilliant as she thinks she is...

"That's fantastic!  You are great!  What's your name??"

"Sarah" I could hear her beaming...

"Sarah, you've done a great job today honey...thank you so very much!!!"

sigh

So today I booked it outta work at noon and waited anxiously for my furniture.  Visions of eating from my kick ass pub style table....sitting in the trendy little leather chairs by the window...

Knock at door  (yay!!!!)

Dudes have my dining room set.  In three fucking boxes.

Some assembly required.

So I unpack the stools and get them assembled.  Six stools, ready in a couple hours.  Fanfrickintastic.  My hands are killing me from twisting the stupid ass allen key.  ugh...

And I unpack the base of my new table.  There must be a hundred pieces.  I just had to have the one with the cabinet and wine glass rack.

Who's the moron now?

Knock at door.  Two more dudes with my chairs.

"whoah...that's from our store" says Buddy as he checks out the hundred pieces laid out all over my floor, grimacing as he shakes he head in wonder.

"Wow" he says.

Yeah...wow.  Fuck you.

"Yes..it's going to take me some time" I say.

Some days I really wish I were as bold as Simon Cowell.

They left.

I cracked open a Smirnoff and decided to admire my unassembled table from the couch for awhile.

And here is where I still sit.