Thank gawd the six year old is on top of these things....it's Tuesday, it's Tuesday, it's Tuesday....
What the hell happened to Monday?
Oh yes...picked up boys in morning...day was grey..rainy...afternoon trapped indoors with two balls of fury flying through multiple games on the Wii, swordfights and hockey games...a blurr of warnings about fighting, wiping tears, time outs, and those handy little Lysol wipes that are a must before sitting down on toilet...a vague recollection of a spaghetti dinner...and blessed sleeeeep....
Tuesday.
The sun decided to pay us a visit today...and since by 7AM the boys had had 4 wrestling matches, 2 hockey games and one Mario Kart race that ended badly for the Saminator, I decided we were going outside toodsweet. (yes that was on purpose) I'm not sure what I looked like..but this is why God created the ball cap and sunglasses.
You don't have to drive far to find a place to set the animals free. My apartment is fairly close to the lake and Toronto prides itself in its care of the beaches. Rightfully so. I'm not sure how far the beach goes but it's beautifully kept...and there is quite the assortment of playground equipment. The best part? Mine were the only two at the playground...
The joy of exploration of new equipment faded and a game of good guys vs bad guys began...multiple warning about sticks...about pushing...AND it was time to move on... We ran across the span of beach volleyball courts, headed for the water. No rubber boots...but hell...kids come washable and dryable.
Sometimes as a parent, you must take one for the good of mankind.
We found ourselves a little spot and I plunked my arse down in the sand to take pictures while the boys searched for perfect stones to skip and to build sandcastles with their hands. We were all equally delighted at the number of dogs walking their people up and down the beach. Labs and terriers, Buster dogs, great danes and little pug nosed something or others. They all introduced themselves, some offering the occasional lake water showers as their people grimaced. It's all good.
When Red became irritable at the happy pups blazing a trail through his sand wall, and Saminator stood up and half a tonne of sand fell from his person, I realized it was time to head home. Lunch followed by nappypoo.
A hot shower late afternoon helped shake the cobwebs. It takes considerable training to survive a monkey marathon, and I am sadly out of shape. Yet I pushed on, so far unmedicated.
We went underground on the PATH to pick up new spring jackets with promises of donuts for the well behaved.
I get a kick out of some salespeople. Does nothing register as these retail queens watch me continuously warn the the boys to control their silly antics...repeatedly requesting they resist the urge to take swipes at their teasing sibling with their free hands, or feet, behind my back? Do they know the power of the unbridled storm at my fingertips? The two innocent faces barely suppressing the urge to tear free from the grip of their mother's hands, to climb the shelves and reek havoc on the neatly piled T-shirts. Oh the game of hide and seek that could be played amongst the racks of clothes and unsuspecting bystanders! If they chuck all the clothes out of the bins...think of the wrestling match once they climb inside! It's simply unwise to stand idly by and make me and my wee charges wait in line unnecessarily to make a purchase. Two people in line, plus 2 tellers should equal no wait time...just sayin. Especially when one teller is just moving shit around on the counter and acting like she's too good to be there. I suggested to the older one who had damned near yanked my arm off by now, that I set them free if they don't serve us soon...saying so with enough volume to be overheard by the lazy saleswoman, cause that's how I roll. The snotty teller offered to take me at the empty till as if she was doing me a grand favour. Was it my comment, or the way Saminator's face lit up that inspired her? Hmmmm...
If she only knew just how long my memory was. That, dear friends, was that beatch's Mulligan.
Coming back across the food court I asked the kids if they'd prefer an ice cream over a donut. Duh. As we waited what seemed an hour for the single person in line to finish counting their fucking pennies, the boys began to get silly...Saminator saying outrageous things as his younger, adoring brother laughed hysterically and offered the occasional shove. As this became a game of keepaway...with me as the barrier between the circling Terrors of Toronto, I simply looked at the ladies serving. They were laughing at me. Hardy fucking harr. The look on their faces when I had the boys order their own ice cream was priceless. Yes, I am out of my tree. I have to tell you though, fastest freaking ice cream ever served on the planet. Get the hell away from us, you crazy people, was the message in that speedy service.
See, now there are some smart people in retail. All is not lost.
I did manage to teach one valuable lesson to my littlest angel today.
He insisted that he loved broccoli, and so for dinner tonight, I served pork chops and broccoli. I did sprinkle some cheese on top. Real cheese...not that Cheese Wiz that tastes nasty as shit.
When I put their plates down, Saminator was horrified, but Red had this 'oh shit I think I might be busted' look on his face.
Saminator asked for something else .. okay, whined for anything else but broccoli, and I told him that's all there was. He had to at least try.
I sat next to Red and watched him fidget out of the corner of my eye.
"Come on buddy, you said you love broccoli so I got it just for you...eat up now!"
I smiled as I said it, watching him measure me with his eyes. The 'oh shit' turned into unspoken admiration.
Oh yeah, yo momma gotch yo numba. You just learned your first lesson about your mother. Never bullshit this bullshitter.
I let him fidget for another 5 minutes before I said "I don't suppose you'll be fibbing again will you?"
He solemnly declared he would not.
I brought out the leftover spaghetti.
And there was peace in the land of the Crazy Momma and her monkeys.
Now, it's time to clog the bathtub with sand from the beach, and go to sleep.
They will ask to snuggle me once they are all tucked in. Saminator will wrap his arms around me and Red will snuggle into the crook of my arm and we'll tell each other we love each other.
I'll try to remember what day it is when I wake tomorrow.
