Forgive me readers for I have sinned....it's been 4 days since my last blog.
Miss me?
I've been preoccupied lately...it's true. I know this will shock some of you, but I haven't even been out drinking lately. Don't get all concerned..I've still been drinking, just haven't been OUT drinking. Put the phone down...s'all good.
Yesterday PDiddy was talking about how he takes his kids to church. United. He didn't grow up going to church, it was something he started doing as an adult. For his kids. Couldn't hurt. I suspect there's more to it than that, and that's cool...these things aren't easy to talk about for everyone.
I, on the other hand, have no problem with talking. In case you never noticed. I know that's an odd thing for some people, but the way I figure it...we are all human, and human nature is the best subject matter going...even at the risk of what should be personal embarrassment...like finding out your mom is reading your blog.
My first thought was "frig almighty I swear a lot", and "holy jeez now they know way too much" but I settled on "meh...I've been a lost cause for 38 years...pretty sure there's not much left to shock 'em with!"
So hey Mum! Welcome to my fuckin blog!
There, had to be done.
(10 bucks says she clucked, blushed, said 'oh Vicki!' and sighed)
Mom goes to church too. Anglican.
Oh yeah...this is me back on topic...need a minute?
She goes just about every Sunday and actively participates in all the funky functions. She's the original church lady. Minus the big hat. I hope.
Mom made sure we went to church every Sunday, when we were kids. At least my sister and I...dad wasn't interested. I hated dressing up and can remember rebelling against this briefly at one point. She told me it was disrespectful and...well...insert Peanut's Teacher's oboe voice here.... I had to wear a friggin dress. Back in those days (yeah...LOVE saying that), people had "Sunday clothes".
Now, anything goes...jeans, sun dresses...whatever...just please show up. That's kind of cool. And having attended a small United Church that served the farming community I shared a pew with many people dressed 'down'. People would once in awhile smell a little more fresh like country than clean as a whistle, but it's all good. They showed up.
Anglican versus the United church has a few differences that stand out. Now, for those really unfamiliar...Anglicans are Catholics that don't hail Mary or have one on one confession with the priest...and we are allowed to have sex before marriage and get divorced. (hoorah!) The United Church is even more liberal, however all you get during communion is some lousy grape juice. If you are going for the good stuff (real wine)..you have to put in a full hour at an Anglican (or Catholic) church. Well...at participating churches and all that. I'd even ventured into a Catholic church once, but dude was wandering around chant-singing something and spraying shit all over me, and that's just not cool, even if you are in jeans. Anglican is about as serious traditional church as I'd go. I've tried the New Life Church. That's pretty cool.... It's mostly music and singing and you get to yell a bit if you are so inclined. Rock on dudes.
That's about as much as my limited experience in the church allows at this point. I don't get into the politics too much...don't really care. Not sure if that's blasphemous or not, but I know that peacekeeping amongst angry old church ladies and men that are fighting over church renovations and next week's hymns is not high on my list of things to do. There's a lot of hurt feelings goes on and if I let myself get involved I'd..well...I'd likely just be meself..and that's not always very church-like is it?
Mind you, if jeans are okay now...maybe an occasional "cah'mon" would be cool too. Probably wouldn't end there for me though. Given my tendency to burst into high speed trucker talk when provoked. Meh...
Nah...even if I went to church these days, I'd stay out of that. I'll stick to singing in the choir.
I remember when the Saminator was maybe 6 months old, he was sitting on his dad's knee when I stood up with the choir to sing something. The little guy watched, stunned, as it was the first time he'd seen me up there...looking, I'm sure, like a freak in the oversized red gown. As soon as I opened my mouth to sing my solo part, he started bawling. Thanks man. Apparently I really do sing like a bird. A crow. Or shithawk maybe. Meh. Rotten kids....
Oh I kept singin anyways...as if one screaming child would stop me.
Nope, these days I don't go to church. No desire really. I do have ongoing conversations with God, though most of them aren't what they should be. As a Christian I know I'm supposed to be grateful, and trusting...humble and faithful...patient and...well, you know..all that good shit. But I'm not at moment. Big Guy has thrown a few frickin things at me over the last couple of years, and I'm not afraid to admit I'm a little ticked. I'm pullin a spiritual pout. Kind of like my eating habits. I'm not sure who I'm rebelling against with my current diet, but I am. hmpft. Oh yeah??? Well I'm gonna eat cookies and wodka for dinner!!! Ha HA! Only.. the only one that is getting a big arse is me. Fucking brilliant plan.
The spiritual pout isn't much better. I'm not going to church and I'm going to be a pigheaded moron because You pushed me too far. There. Yes, I know you found me a good job before I knew I needed it..and yes, I was smart enough to step through the open door, because even though I'm mad..I'm still faithful. But I'm still mad. This business about hooking me up with PDiddy then giving him cancer? Not cool!!! Yes, I'll continue to act in faith, but I'm also still mad and I'm not ready to do anything extra. Pout.
Nope, I'm not helping myself.
Anyway...church is good...you should show up. Be kind and shower, throw on some jeans...have a little grape juice and maybe even stay awake through the sermon...because He might be talking to you.
I know when I'm ready to hear Him again, I'll go back.
And I'll try not to make anyone cry with my singing.
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