Oooohhh...Now I Get It!

McDreamy follows sports religiously.....he always has.  Pretty much ALL of the sports...not just racing.  And at all levels too....from the world champions down to the college level.  He follows scores and watches games online and on TV.  I even picked up the sports package for our satellite TV so he wouldn't miss anything...cause I'm cool with it!

I love sports too...all of them.  Except maybe wrestling.  That's dumb.

Both McDreamy and I grew up playing sports....  He has always had his racing, but through highschool and university there was also football, golf, and roller hockey, ball hockey and hockey hockey.  In fact he was so good at hockey hockey that he earned a scholarship and continued on playing OHA senior up until a few years ago.  Me?  I did gymnastics for about 9 years, a brief stint with the Hamilton Swim Team...and then just about any sport I could play through school....track and field, volleyball, basketball, badminton and tennis.  Fun times!

It's something we have in common and we often go out to shoot some hoops or throw a ball around.  Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod would be proud! 

:)

But I don't follow all the sports...and truth be told, other that hockey, I get bored watching sports on TV.  I appreciate the athletic ability and all that...but I can't sit through watching golf or tennis on TV.  Basketball is okay to watch, but every game looks the same to me after awhile.  Football holds my attention a little longer when they come out with their Sneaky McSneakster plays.  Hockey is awesome to watch...it's fast and unpredictable....and it gets me totally wound up.   McDreamy has received 'the hand' on a couple of occasions when he tried talking to me during a particularly good game.  I'm not proud of that....just sayin....  Point is, the only sport I'll set out to watch on my own is hockey.  I'd just rather play than watch.


Until now.

McDreamy introduced me to the world of gambling and it's possible that I have been forever corrupted.  Now that would be a bad thing if we were talking about dumping money on bets....but I'm not talking about that kind of gambling.  Did you know that you don't have to pay to play?  I didn't!  But it's true!  It's true!!

Check out this link:  The Score


There are a bunch of contests you can enter for free!  You pick the teams you think will win and if you get lucky...YOU win some cashola!  Suwweet!

So all of a sudden, I CARE who wins in all these sports I didn't follow before!

We both entered the Bracket Buster Pool and are following the results of the NCAA Basketball Tourney.  We had to pick the winners of every game in all of the knock off rounds....eventually predicting the tournament champion.  You get a point for every time you are right.  Each of the 64 teams is ranked, and if you pick a team to win that has a lower ranking, you get extra points.  I suddenly find myself talking about upsets and long shots.

Whodathunk?

So here's me sitting beside Petri, picking college basketball teams I've never seen play and often never heard of.  I just looked at the rankings and based wins on that.  I figure if a #1 team is playing a #16 team...chances are good that the #1 team will win.  I'd get a little braver if a #8 was playing a #9 team, and I might pick the lower ranking team.  In one instance I picked a team because I liked saying it.  Gonzaga.

Gonzaga

:)

What can I say, I'm easily amused!

I'm doing okay so far with my picks.  Knock on wood I've got perfect picks so far in the Southeast Region....muahahahaa...   I've got a bit of a longshot that will pay in spades if they come through...will find out on Sunday.  McDreamy is all proud of me and stuff...hee hee!  Now we are both following college basketball with equal enthusiasm :)

To boot, today we've both got hockey picks and soccer picks too....BRING IT ON! We just discovered one more thing we enjoy doing together and that's just nothing but cool.

Ladies...this isn't exactly Dr Phil type advice, but if your hubby is parked in front of a game that puts you to sleep, give yourself a reason to care by making a few picks.  As long as you aren't spending money, it's all in good fun....and I have no doubt that you'll bring a smile to hubby's face.  Perhaps even a little shock...but we all like keepin 'em on their toes!

Butchering the National Anthem

Last night our beloved Toronto Maple Leafs faced off against the injury plagued Penguins.  6 points away from the playoffs, they can't afford to lose, but we were fairly certain this game would end in a shootout...which we never do well in.  Turns out we were right...again.  Why can't we be right about the lottery numbers?

But I digress....

The game really started out on a sour note.  A really, really sour note.  Check it out...



Don't shoot the messenger.


The anthems that would normally inspire pride had me wanted to jam pencils in my ears.

We opted to change the channel until it was over.

At least there were no words to screw up.  We'll leave that up to the professionals...you know, Michael Bolton, Christina Aguilera....  To me, screwing up the words is bad enough, but at least it's not 2 minutes of physical pain endured by the masses like the following...



Remember this inspiring rendition?



Just another reason why you can't buy your beer in the bottle at games. 



Shall we have a listen to the track and field legend, Carl Lewis?



And they disqualified Ben Johnson for drugs.

Not that I'm still bitter.





Have a listen to this...I've never heard of this "pop star"...but what do I know?



I love the guys in the background...  If you YouTube the entire performance, you'll have the pleasure of listening to her cough up a few hairballs too.  I'm sorry but I just couldn't post that part.  Even I have limits.



Now I did my best to find the shortest version of this...I do, after all, want you to come back and read again...



That's the spirit...if you forget the words, just make up new ones!!  Wicked awesome.  And again, the reaction of those witnessing the horror is priceless.  Is this really happening??

That's how I felt last night.  Gives a whole new meaning to 'adding insult to injury'.  Leaves you wondering how much worse the other acts that audition to sing the anthem at these games are, if they end up booking these .. um... musical inspirations.


Yup, the harmonica and guitar fiasco was pretty brutal last night.  But take comfort kids....there will no doubt be a new catastrophic rendition of our great nation's anthem that will make this version seem almost pleasant.

Almost.

It's not Monday?

Thank gawd the six year old is on top of these things....it's Tuesday, it's Tuesday, it's Tuesday....

What the hell happened to Monday?

Oh yes...picked up boys in morning...day was grey..rainy...afternoon trapped indoors with two balls of fury flying through multiple games on the Wii, swordfights and hockey games...a blurr of warnings about fighting, wiping tears, time outs, and those handy little Lysol wipes that are a must before sitting down on toilet...a vague recollection of a spaghetti dinner...and blessed sleeeeep....

Tuesday.

The sun decided to pay us a visit today...and since by 7AM the boys had had 4 wrestling matches, 2 hockey games and one Mario Kart race that ended badly for the Saminator, I decided we were going outside toodsweet.  (yes that was on purpose) I'm not sure what I looked like..but this is why God created the ball cap and sunglasses.

You don't have to drive far to find a place to set the animals free.  My apartment is fairly close to the lake and Toronto prides itself in its care of the beaches.  Rightfully so.  I'm not sure how far the beach goes but it's beautifully kept...and there is quite the assortment of playground equipment.  The best part?  Mine were the only two at the playground...

The joy of exploration of new equipment faded and a game of good guys vs bad guys began...multiple warning about sticks...about pushing...AND it was time to move on...  We ran across the span of beach volleyball courts, headed for the water.  No rubber boots...but hell...kids come washable and dryable.  

Sometimes as a parent, you must take one for the good of mankind.

We found ourselves a little spot and I plunked my arse down in the sand to take pictures while the boys searched for perfect stones to skip and to build sandcastles with their hands.  We were all equally delighted at the number of dogs walking their people up and down the beach.  Labs and terriers, Buster dogs, great danes and little pug nosed something or others.  They all introduced themselves, some offering the occasional lake water showers as their people grimaced.  It's all good.  

When Red became irritable at the happy pups blazing a trail through his sand wall, and Saminator stood up and half a tonne of sand fell from his person, I realized it was time to head home.  Lunch followed by nappypoo.

A hot shower late afternoon helped shake the cobwebs.  It takes considerable training to survive a monkey marathon, and I am sadly out of shape.  Yet I pushed on, so far unmedicated.

We went underground on the PATH to pick up new spring jackets with promises of donuts for the well behaved.  

I get a kick out of some salespeople.  Does nothing register as these retail queens watch me continuously warn the the boys to control their silly antics...repeatedly requesting they resist the urge to take swipes at their teasing sibling with their free hands, or feet, behind my back?  Do they know the power of the unbridled storm at my fingertips?  The two innocent faces barely suppressing the urge to tear free from the grip of their mother's hands,  to climb the shelves and reek havoc on the neatly piled T-shirts.  Oh the game of hide and seek that could be played amongst the racks of clothes and unsuspecting bystanders!  If they chuck all the clothes out of the bins...think of the wrestling match once they climb inside!  It's simply unwise to stand idly by and make me and my wee charges wait in line unnecessarily to make a purchase.  Two people in line, plus 2 tellers should equal no wait time...just sayin.  Especially when one teller is just moving shit around on the counter and acting like she's too good to be there.  I suggested to the older one who had damned near yanked my arm off by now, that I set them free if they don't serve us soon...saying so with enough volume to be overheard by the lazy saleswoman, cause that's how I roll.  The snotty teller offered to take me at the empty till as if she was doing me a grand favour.  Was it my comment, or the way Saminator's face lit up that inspired her?  Hmmmm...

If she only knew just how long my memory was.  That, dear friends, was that beatch's Mulligan. 

Coming back across the food court I asked the kids if they'd prefer an ice cream over a donut.  Duh.  As we waited what seemed an hour for the single person in line to finish counting their fucking pennies, the boys began to get silly...Saminator saying outrageous things as his younger, adoring brother laughed hysterically and  offered the occasional shove.  As this became a game of keepaway...with me as the barrier between the circling Terrors of Toronto, I simply looked at the ladies serving.  They were laughing at me.  Hardy fucking harr.  The look on their faces when I had the boys order their own ice cream was priceless.  Yes, I am out of my tree.  I have to tell you though, fastest freaking ice cream ever served on the planet.  Get the hell away from us, you crazy people,  was the message in that speedy service.  

See, now there are some smart people in retail.  All is not lost.

I did manage to teach one valuable lesson to my littlest angel today.

He insisted that he loved broccoli, and so for dinner tonight, I served pork chops and broccoli.  I did sprinkle some cheese on top.  Real cheese...not that Cheese Wiz that tastes nasty as shit.

When I put their plates down, Saminator was horrified, but Red had this 'oh shit I think I might be busted' look on his face.  

Saminator asked for something else .. okay, whined for anything else but broccoli, and I told him that's all there was.  He had to at least try.

I sat next to Red and watched him fidget out of the corner of my eye.

"Come on buddy, you said you love broccoli so I got it just for you...eat up now!"

I smiled as I said it, watching him measure me with his eyes.  The 'oh shit' turned into unspoken admiration.

Oh yeah, yo momma gotch yo numba.  You just learned your first lesson about your mother.  Never bullshit this bullshitter.

I let him fidget for another 5 minutes before I said "I don't suppose you'll be fibbing again will you?"

He solemnly declared he would not.

I brought out the leftover spaghetti.

And there was peace in the land of the Crazy Momma and her monkeys.

Now, it's time to clog the bathtub with sand from the beach, and go to sleep.

They will ask to snuggle me once they are all tucked in.  Saminator will wrap his arms around me and Red will snuggle into the crook of my arm and we'll tell each other we love each other.  

I'll try to remember what day it is when I wake tomorrow.

Me 'n da Boyzzz

Saturday.

Me.  Red.  Saminator.  Unsupervised in the city.

The morning was rather uneventful, other than the Skype chat with Duckman.  The boys got to say 'hey' which was enough to wind them up and turn the condo into a hockey rink.  I'm sure my neighbours hate me.  The thumping of feet running across the hardwood...little bodies slamming into walls...slapshots, hoots, hollering...and gawd help me the penalties and subsequent retaliation shots...  I have no doubt that my shushing isn't nearly as quiet as I hope.  It certainly has zero effect.  About the only thing that works is the reminder that I have neighbours and they are going to wake up the baby.  I have no idea if there is indeed a baby...but the story slows the little monkeys momentarily...giving me time to come up with the next bribe.   Today's bribe was skating at Nathan Philip's Square.  Actually I'm not 100% sure it was the skating or the possibility of a cab ride that paused the indoor hockey brawl...  meh...

So we had some grilled cheese, the last of the world's crappiest looking cookies...we peed...we wrestled into snow pants and coats..(got in a couple of shots and howls during the 2 freaking seconds I left the front foyer)..and fell into the hallway.

The boys took off to the elevators and I could hear the doors open as I was locking my own door.  Visions of the two holy terrors running up and down the elevators tormenting unsuspecting residents flashed before my eyes as I darted down the hall and slid into the elevator.  Fortunately they were wrestling over who gets to push the button...bought me the time I needed....

Quick lecture about holding my hands and not running in the lobby...and we actually made it to the street.

The large outdoor rink is located approximately 5 blocks away...maybe a ten minute walk.  A lovely walk in fact, as it was only -1 this afternoon, and there was hardly any wind.  Saminator whined about how impossibly far the walk was...and when is a cab going to come by???...even going so far as to fall to his blessed knees at one point.  We were about a block away from home.  Oh the drama...  Little Red would jump up and down everytime a cab drove by, but alas...they were always going the wrong way.  Poor lads...walking to the rink like that.

And then low and behold...we were there.

"Oh that didn't take long!"  Chirped Red.

"uh huh" says me..

:)

So on went 2 pairs of skates and 2 helmets and the little freakazoids were off...zipping between the other skaters, diving, rolling...  And their mom...all bundled up watching with pride.  Those kids are pretty cool.  They'd go around once or maybe twice..waving at me...or stopping for a hug...  putting on a little show...reeally working it when someone notices them... LOL...little shits...

At some point, the wind picked up.  I couldn't feel my feet or hands and gave the boys the five minute warning.

And we caught a cab to go home.  Momma and the cold don't see eye to eye.

When we got in we had some tortilla's and salsa and snuggled up on the couch.  At some point, we all fell asleep, Red curled up in front of me...Saminator curled up at my legs with his head on my butt ...  I woke up stroking my older boy's hair as he slept, and buried my face in Red's neck...just feeling his soft warm skin, breathing his little boy smell...  I only get one day a week, but it's our day.

I tried to slip away to make dinner but woke them...and they watched TV with that sleepy little almost awake stare as I prepared dinner, and some Rice Krispie squares for dessert.

Soon enough I was turning the TV off and putting dinner down on the coffee table.  One more week and the dining room set comes in...hurray!  No more sitting on the floor around the coffee table.  Well...no more HAVING to sit there...we undoubtedly still will..it's all good :)

Me, flanked by Red and Sam, on the floor, at the coffee table..having dinner.  Pork chops, simmered in soup, with mashed potatoes.  mmmmm...  Our conversation went somewhat like this:

Me: "We need to go on vacation....where would you like to go?"

Saminator:  "Mexico"

Me, thinking are you crazy??? "Oh you don't want to go there..."

Saminator: "Why not?"

Me: "Because if you eat the ice cubes you get the poops"

Red:  "what's the poops?"

Me:  "Well, first your stomach makes this noise....rrrrrrrraaaruuurrrrrr"

Saminator and Red giggle and repeat noise.

Me:  "Then  you do this.." make motion with arms of running furiously, eyes wide, lips forming silent 'oh'....

Saminator and Red...laugh and repeat motion.

Me:  "Then you sit on toilet and your stomach makes noise (even louder)....RRRRRRAAARUUUURRRR"

Saminator and Red now standing up...laughing and making noise...

Me:  "and you have to hold on tight to the toilet...cuz the poop is coming out and it's going to shoot you straight up through the ROOF!!!!"

(my kids are soooo gonna need therapy)

Saminator and Red now rolling around laughing hysterically...

:)

So Mexico was a no.  They didn't want the poops.
They certainly won't eat Mexican ice cubes.

But Disneyland is something they are definitely pulling for.

We'll see.

"We'll see"...gawd I sound like my mother...  heh heh heh

The Wii occupied the boys as I tidied up and before we all knew it, it was time for pajamas..and bed.

Toronto seems relatively unscathed.

It was a good day.