I've had 4 kids, which by some standards is nothin..... However, the vast majority, upon hearing that there's a litter of Mini Me's running loose, initially react in shock, followed by horror, quickly covered by disbelief. **shrug** meh...I'm used to it.
Contrary to common belief that the girls are the difficult ones to raise, my only daughter was 'the easy one'..relatively speaking. She was, and remains, loving, maternal, and very level headed (for the most part). Can you sense my smile here??
Now my 3 sons, on the other hand....sigh....
Little Red and The Tall One are cut from the same cloth...fearless with a constant need to be on the move...only Red is the much more aggressive version... . Saminator is the cerebral one, naturally athletic and very big for his age. Not bad qualities at all, don't get me wrong, simply...challenging as a parent. For it it our duty to teach them to use their powers for good instead of evil... love these boys dearly, but the WTF meter is off the charts at times...
The older two are pretty much past all the the weird stuff my young ones are doing now. At least they are better at hiding it...or I'm better at pretending it's not happening... Whatevs..
We spend every weekend at the arena, watching the boy's playing hockey. Every weekend. Here's the typical routine:
Throw hockey equipment in trunk, pound down, slam trunk, kids in seats, buckled in, jump in car, peel off to arena, try not to run over little hockey players in parking lot, find spot, unload car, shuttle boys to change room, repeatedly ask whoever has the stick to keep the stick down, don't hit your brother, don't trip 'the man', settle boys on bench in change room, open hockey bag, try not to pass out from smell of said hockey bag, dress player, pray remembered all odds and ends and that the friggin cheapass velcro pads will stay on, watch player get on ice, gather brother of player and go to booth....deep breath....buy coffee and juice for brother, head upstairs to watch player play.
Are you still with me? Hockey parents are familiar with this routine. Hockey parents are also familiar with trying to get the kids to NOT lick the glass. Yes, you read that right...go ahead, read it again, I'll wait.
There is an area overlooking the ice pads, completely enclosed with benches provided for sitting. Its brilliant really...the fans stay warm while watching the game through the floor to ceiling window, and the players and coaches don't have to listen to the obnoxious parents.
Getting back to licking the glass....
It's like they can't help themselves. There must be a voice that only children can hear "lick the glass"...."lick it, get it all slobbery and rub your hands and face in it...yesssssss" (You have to imagine the Harry Potter spooky dude's voice here)... EVERY KID DOES THIS. Without exception. Even if you can manage to block out exactly how much bacteria and my gawd the virus happily growing and mutating as each child adds their own to the mix... it's just a weird frickin thing to do! What on earth would possess anyone in their right minds to look at a window and wonder what it tastes like? Does it smell good to them? WTF???
Honestly I have come to the conclusion that there's no sense in dwelling on things like this. I will never understand the complex minds of children. Despite the thousands of books written by experts, and the mere fact that we were all kids ourselves once... no one will ever know why kids do some of the things they do. We all know that when asked "why did you do that", the answer will inevitably be "I dunno". And hell...if they dunno, how could anyone else?
Don't try to figure it out... pull out the sanitizing hand gel and wet naps if you are worried... or if you are tired, like me, use your sleeve....wipe the slobber off their hands and cheeks...and move forward.
