LilVic, Furniture Maker Notsoextraordinaire

So I ordered some furniture about 2 weeks ago.  In my typical lazyass fashion, I went online to Leons, picked something and hit 'order'.  Much easier than wandering around the damned store and standing in line while some chicklet does the same damn thing for me.  That's just how I roll...meh...

So I picked this freaking awesome barstyle casual dining room set, complete with 6 barstools (imagine me...on a barstool..shocking....) and a couple of trendy chairs to fill this space by the window.  The tab was a little steep, but hey...I've mentioned before how God created the credit card on the second day.  It would be blasphemous to not make use of this gift.

Living in a condo is a pain in the ass a little when it comes to bringing in large items...you have to book the elevator.  Thanks to the high tech tabbed internet screens, I was able to flip back and forth to my condo's website (yeah...there's even a website) and the Leon's website...book the service elevator and the furniture delivery all at the same time.  How freaking cool is that?  Remember the Commodore 64?  Zoikers...

The next day I check my email and Leons sent a confirmation of my order.  It said the shit wasn't in stock.  wtf??  And here's a number to call with questions...  Damn right I'm calling that number...  I want my furniture .. I booked the elevator man...it was a done deal!!!  Internet = easy and it SAID the shit was in stock!  Cahmon!!

So I call the number.  Explained the dealio to chick on other end of phone.  She says 'hold please' and transfers me somewhere.

Tapping fingers....

I get her again and she makes another attempt, but these assholes are just not answering.  She gets all snippy with me on the phone and I ask for the manager.  He's on the phone.

Of course he is.

No worries, I'll hold.  (beeeeatch...oh yeah...you gotcherself a crusty old bag here...yo..yo)

He's still on the phone.  But miracle of miracles, someone else is in...and whammo, I'm transferred.

Now I've got some young girl on the line who looks up my order and confirms that everything is not in stock.

"But the internet said it was in stock, any chance the items are at another store?" I ask..after all, isn't there a friggin gazillion Leons stores in the GTA???

"Oh I'm not sure" says she.

sigh

"Aren't all the stores connected by computers?"

"Um...yeah...lemme check for you!"

Excellent plan.

And it turns out that one store had part of the order, and the store I was calling had the other part of the order.

"Okay...so can we pull it together and get it shipped on January 29th as scheduled?"

"Hang on, let me talk to the manager".  Thank gawd she had the power to yank the phone off the son of gun's head eh?

"Well, the other store only ships to us on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so we won't get it to you until the following week" says she.

"Let me get this straight" says me...."Today is Monday...and I'm asking for the furniture to be delivered a week from Friday...which leaves 2 Tuesdays and 2 Thursdays in between...and you can't get that to work?"

"No...it takes time to process as well".

I put the phone down for a minute and take a deep breath.  It's not her fault...it's not her fault...these people are fucking morons...must breathe...use small words...

"Can we arrange to have them deliver what they have to me instead...and you deliver what you have to me".

"Well they only make customer deliveries Monday through Saturday...."

OMG she did not just say that...

"That should work then since I'm looking for a Friday delivery".

Tap...tap...tap...."I'm so sorry...they just won't be able to process in time.  We can get you the order the first week of February?"  she offers cheerfully.

They must be using Commodore 64's.

"You know what honey, if you can't make the shipment, just cancel the order and I'll go somewhere else."

"Okay, but it will take 3 to 4 days for the credit to go through on your card."

Now I'm pissed.

"Let me get this straight...." says me "I place the order electronically yesterday, and the money comes out immediately...but today when I cancel it, I have to wait 4 days for the money to be electronically put back?"

This is fucking brilliant isn't it?

"ummmm...yeaaah" she says.

"Okay, I know it's not your fault, but now I'm pissed."  Yup, I pulled out the big guns.  Scary aren't I?

"Is there nothing you can do?  This just isn't right.."  I try the sistahood angle....

"Let me talk to the manager...can you hold?"

sweet

"HI!"  Oh now she's excited...cool..."I have some great news!  I can get the other store to deliver those items directly to you, and we'll deliver these items directly to you!"

Don't say it...just let it go and pretend that she's as fucking brilliant as she thinks she is...

"That's fantastic!  You are great!  What's your name??"

"Sarah" I could hear her beaming...

"Sarah, you've done a great job today honey...thank you so very much!!!"

sigh

So today I booked it outta work at noon and waited anxiously for my furniture.  Visions of eating from my kick ass pub style table....sitting in the trendy little leather chairs by the window...

Knock at door  (yay!!!!)

Dudes have my dining room set.  In three fucking boxes.

Some assembly required.

So I unpack the stools and get them assembled.  Six stools, ready in a couple hours.  Fanfrickintastic.  My hands are killing me from twisting the stupid ass allen key.  ugh...

And I unpack the base of my new table.  There must be a hundred pieces.  I just had to have the one with the cabinet and wine glass rack.

Who's the moron now?

Knock at door.  Two more dudes with my chairs.

"whoah...that's from our store" says Buddy as he checks out the hundred pieces laid out all over my floor, grimacing as he shakes he head in wonder.

"Wow" he says.

Yeah...wow.  Fuck you.

"Yes..it's going to take me some time" I say.

Some days I really wish I were as bold as Simon Cowell.

They left.

I cracked open a Smirnoff and decided to admire my unassembled table from the couch for awhile.

And here is where I still sit.

Dinner With Ma Work Brothas!

So it was Tuesday.  And I had been talking with my brothas about dinner for ages...never mind the constant messages JL had been sending from my Habibi....it was time for an evening at my home away from home...

Here's a little tune to set the mood...LOL

Songbird

I wheeled my sleek and beautiful Avenger into the parking lot that sits on the north side of the East Toronto Delta.  Wrapping my scarf around my neck and listening to the cheerful beep of the car alarm engaging, I hurried against the cold wind, and blew through the revolving doors that led inside.

Chester, a big burly man that seldom smiles, looked up and his eyes about popped out of his head as he exclaimed "Vicki!!!  Are you staying wit uss???"

Feeling a bit like a deer caught in headlights I laughed and shook my head, explaining my short visit.

"ooh noooo! But we miss your smile!!!" says he.

Now I don't care who you are, ya gotta love that.  He missed me!  Awe......

The Delta was my home for months until I found my sweet condo downtown and moved out.  It had been three months since I had been back...the visit was long overdue.

I missed the people that had adopted me there...Chester and the ladies at front desk that greeted me every morning and every evening, Karen and the girls who served breakfast every morning, J the bellhop that would always stop to say hello and make me smile..the cleaning ladies that gave me extra chocolates and coffee...and Habibi and the other bartenders and wait staff that worked the restaurant I ate at every night.  I felt like a princess :)

I hopped up onto a barstool at the end of the bar and chatted with the girl who served me a drink...delighted to see me and excited to see Habibi's reaction when he saw me.

Habibi is a tiny man from Egypt...and he's worked that bar for 20 years.  He is the best bartender in Toronto...and I'm doing my best to prove that theory!  When he laid eyes on me he hurried around the bar and gave me a huge hug...."wwwick!!!!  oh my gawd...so gooda see yuuuuu!!!  Did you get my messages???  Oh my gaaawd!!!!"

Sitting at Habibi's bar, your glass is never empty and, well, for his favourite ladies anyway....every drink served is followed by "I love uuuu!"..  For the men at the bar, he's quick to point out all the "beautiful countries" (code for hot chicks)...

See what I mean?  Ya just have the love the guy!

It wasn't long before I was joined at the bar by my work brothas and we ate some dinner...had a few drinks...and a lot of laughs.  I still can't believe how fortunate I am to work with such a great bunch of people!

Much to my surprise, about an hour into the evening...in struts Captain America (so dubbed by JL as the muscular and handsome man served in the US army and was a policeman for a good number of years).  Another guest that I had befriended during my stay...I think he had been there on 2 separate occasions for about a week each visit.  What amazing good fortune to have the pleasure of catching up with this sweet man for a couple of hours.  I got to hear about his 2 adult boys and his daughter...the wife he adores...  If only I could someday have that kind of love....the kind that survives and flourishes....sigh....  And Captain America promised that I would.  In fact he told me to settle for nothing less that a man that puts me on a pedestal, who stands beside me, protects me...never let's anyone say a bad word about me...  All I'm thinkin is wow...sigh....

After Captain America went to bed, I allowed myself to be talked into just one more drink with the 3 fine work brothas that surrounded me.  I listened to the banter...got in one or two digs myself.  I laughed when a couple of them offered to share their rooms..."c'mon!  Have a shot!  Habibi..get the girl a tequila!!"

Eye roll.... as if....

Hearing my protest and excuses about not even having a toothbrush, Big Jay staggered out to the Front Desk to get me one.

"See?" he said .. "Gif a shupernintendent a prolem an eel fiksh it"

Good ta know dude!

I drove home later on feeling blessed.  And I am.  I have people that care about me..and I care a lot about them too :)

And I am so gonna book a night there soon so I can park my ass in front of a line up of Habibi's tequila shots and have a serious drink night with the Work Brothas.  This excites Habibi too...because the Delta just ain't the same without the lot of us turning his bar into a party now and again.

My my my, can we party...

But I'll save those stories for another day :)

Shiny....

I've often said that I had 2 speeds...stop and go.  Normally when I'm at work, I can focus on whatever it is that needs to be done..and, well, git r dun...  Mostly because I hate shit on my desk and have this need for everything to be where it should be. 

But then I have days like today when I can't seem to focus at all...everything is distracting me.  I'll start one thing, get an email and work on that...get a message...someone walks in...  I'm planning tonight, next Friday...working on RFQ's, RFI's and submittals...  and when I go back to my original project I forget where I was at....

sigh...

I've always been like this.

I have to have the radio on because it gives me something to block out so that I can focus on work.  I'm frickin wierd.

Someone said I have Adult Attention Deficit Disorder.  Does this mean I should be on drugs?  Hell, we all know that!

But let's take a gander...   Thanks to Wikipedia, we can all self-diagnose with relative ease and accuracy...

AADD/Hyperactivity Signs and Symptoms

The AADD symptoms in adults (according to this site) include:

• Procrastination:    (I never procrastinate) 
  
• Indecision, difficulty recalling and organizing details required for a task   (not bloody likely...this kid knows what she wants and how to get it) 
• Poor time management, losing track of time   (um...no....) 
• Avoiding tasks or jobs that require sustained attention   (well...a little..but only for icky jobs) 
• Difficulty initiating tasks  (see above response) 
• Difficulty completing and following through on tasks (and...see above response)
• Difficulty multitasking (hell no) 
• Difficulty shifting attention from one task to another (well dudes...that's my frickin problem...I can't STOP shifting my attention today!)

 
So plththth...I do not have this...but wait...there's the symptoms for hyperactivity somethingorother....
 

• Chooses highly active, stimulating jobs (well yeah...otherwise it would be boring as shit)  
• Avoids situations with low physical activity or sedentary work   (like what, I don't understand??) 
• May choose to work long hours or two jobs (all the freaks I work with work 10 hours a day...so what?) 
• Seeks constant activity (uh...yeah...) 
• Easily bored  (shut up) 
• Impatient (who me?  blush....) 
• Intolerant to frustration, easily irritated   (depends on how stupid some jack ass is being) 
• Impulsive, snap decisions and irresponsible behaviors (blush...heh heh...ugh) 
• Loses temper easily, angers quickly (I don't stay mad long..the sound of people laughing at me usually brings me back down to earth...whaaat????)

Hmmmm....
 
Well, according to Wikipedia, I have issues...but it ain't AADD!!  HA!  

Now Work Sista on the other hand...definitely has AADD ..  gawd luv ya!! 

Hey...as long as we use our powers for good instead of evil...who cares really :)
 
And I didn't see anything there explaining why I can't see to focus today...that sucks.....oh well....
 
oh look....shiiiiny.....

A Notso Typical Sunday

I hate Sunday nights.  It's that really mellow day of the week that I find myself missing having someone around...


SO....


I've taken to getting dressed up city slicker casual, and walking down to the Eaton's Centre to shop for the afternoon.


Then I'll go home, drop off my packages...back down the elevator and head across the street to go to Jack Astor's for that deadly Sesame Chicken stir fry for dinner.  And a Jacked Up Wodka.  Or two.


I find myself a little booth and hide while I eat...using the time to catch up on phone calls and texts..just saying hello to friends and family back home.


This Sunday had me a little more distracted than normal, as I was wrapped up in thoughts about a dear friend who was diagnosed with cancer.  For him, it's the second time he's had it...and at the moment, he's unable to face treatment.  I say 'at the moment' because I hope he changes his mind.  


As I smile at the waiter bringing my drink, I'm thinking about this man and the fear he's wrestling...the children, the family...  I'm thinking about how he wants to disappear down south and die instead of fighting through months of pain, hoping that the treatment cures what ails him.


I'm wondering what I would do if I were in his shoes.  I understand being too tired to fight...we all do.  And I understand 'why me'...


It's hard to gather why these things happen to good people.  And it's my own selfishness that wants to grab a hold of my friend and beg him to stay and fight.  But I don't want him to fight for me, or his family...or even his children. If he chooses this battle, it must be for himself and his desire to live..and find happiness.


The waiter brings my dinner and I smile and thank him...he pauses a moment to wink and flirt...which is strange, considering he's flaming gay and beautiful that way...I send him for another drink...


The second drink comes and I am grateful..  Gawd knows the wodka doesn't make the sadness go away..but she helps jest a leeettle...no?


I silently get through not quite half of what was set before me before I push my plate away.


A man wearing a big grin glances my way, pointedly looks at the empty seat across from me and asks if I'm alone.  


I shrug and smile...yup.


"Can I join you?" says he.


Why not?  Conversation would be nice....


"Sure, that would be nice" says me.


Plate cleared and drinks poured..the fine young gentleman introduces himself with an accent that is familiar but not registering at all..  He no doubt thought me daft...  


"Where are you from?" I ask.  It's Sunday night football and I lean over the table to hear his reply over the crowd hollering.


"Where do you think?" Says he.  Oh...it's gonna be like that is it?  Forcing cerebral activity as I sip my third Jacked Up wodka (ps...if it's Jacked Up..it's a double)...


sigh


"Well, from across the pond...England?" I'm sort of with it.  See my Speak Canadian blog further down....


"Think bigger pond...further than the Atlantic" he says.  This poor lad thought he was in for intelligent conversation but I'm about to disappoint him with my blank stare.   Still mentally dragging myself out of the gloomy mood I was in I mumble apologies and shake my head.


"Australia" says he.


The light bulb flickered momentarily over my head.


Knowing the only way to distract him from my apparent temporary (I hope) mental retardation would be to keep him talking, I start firing questions at him.


"Are you here on business?  What do you do?  How long are you here for?"


The poor man must have been wondering if he should have stayed at the bar.  He was witty enough to joke about my questioning and respond with a couple of his own.  It wasn't long before the conversation turned to work.  I mention that I'm in construction.


"Ah...they just finished a big project in my town"  he continues and all I hear is "blahdebo dubai".  Dubai...that's familiar...I just got an email about the monstrosity they built in the Middle East..but this dude's from Australia... Oh for the love of gawd did someone suck out my brain when I wasn't looking??  Too much time at the mall???


He cleared up that mystery...he's from Australia but living in Dubai.  oooooohhhhh


Just to make me feel a bigger idiot, turns out he's a pilot.  He was on stopover... dead tired and just aiming to keep awake for a couple of hours so as to get a good night's sleep before he took off again on another 13 hour flight.


Once again I refer to my blog about speaking Canadian.  When he mentioned the airline he worked for, I drew a blank.  I'm fricking brilliant on the fly at times.  


"Is that a small airline?"  says me.


He just about choked on his beer.


At some point he must have figured out that his new drink mate was a tad slow, and it might be best to use pictures and small words.  He kindly got out his IPhone and showed me the LUXURY plane he flies for Emirates by the way...for crissake ..could I be any kewler dude??  I flipped through a dozen beautiful destinations I can only dream of seeing someday...  This man has seen the world..  


Pause to chew lip before continuing...


I'm not sure when it happened, but the conversation turned religious.  He is an atheist and I am a Christian.  I still, by the way, find his belief that when he dies, he will simply be gone..well...sad.  I like believing in something better, in knowing in my heart that someday we will find peace.


And this belief is what carries me though my shittiest days...and certainly is what gives me hope for my dear friend.  No matter what he chooses.


I think my drinking companion and I were both ready to throw in the towel at the same time, and knowing we were both tired and had put our best social foot forward for a couple of hours, we parted ways friends.


I trudge across the street in the light drizzle.  Smiled and gave the security guards a cheerful good night.


Crawled into bed, tired and worried.  


Hoping that my friend finds peace, no matter what he decides.

Me 'n da Boyzzz

Saturday.

Me.  Red.  Saminator.  Unsupervised in the city.

The morning was rather uneventful, other than the Skype chat with Duckman.  The boys got to say 'hey' which was enough to wind them up and turn the condo into a hockey rink.  I'm sure my neighbours hate me.  The thumping of feet running across the hardwood...little bodies slamming into walls...slapshots, hoots, hollering...and gawd help me the penalties and subsequent retaliation shots...  I have no doubt that my shushing isn't nearly as quiet as I hope.  It certainly has zero effect.  About the only thing that works is the reminder that I have neighbours and they are going to wake up the baby.  I have no idea if there is indeed a baby...but the story slows the little monkeys momentarily...giving me time to come up with the next bribe.   Today's bribe was skating at Nathan Philip's Square.  Actually I'm not 100% sure it was the skating or the possibility of a cab ride that paused the indoor hockey brawl...  meh...

So we had some grilled cheese, the last of the world's crappiest looking cookies...we peed...we wrestled into snow pants and coats..(got in a couple of shots and howls during the 2 freaking seconds I left the front foyer)..and fell into the hallway.

The boys took off to the elevators and I could hear the doors open as I was locking my own door.  Visions of the two holy terrors running up and down the elevators tormenting unsuspecting residents flashed before my eyes as I darted down the hall and slid into the elevator.  Fortunately they were wrestling over who gets to push the button...bought me the time I needed....

Quick lecture about holding my hands and not running in the lobby...and we actually made it to the street.

The large outdoor rink is located approximately 5 blocks away...maybe a ten minute walk.  A lovely walk in fact, as it was only -1 this afternoon, and there was hardly any wind.  Saminator whined about how impossibly far the walk was...and when is a cab going to come by???...even going so far as to fall to his blessed knees at one point.  We were about a block away from home.  Oh the drama...  Little Red would jump up and down everytime a cab drove by, but alas...they were always going the wrong way.  Poor lads...walking to the rink like that.

And then low and behold...we were there.

"Oh that didn't take long!"  Chirped Red.

"uh huh" says me..

:)

So on went 2 pairs of skates and 2 helmets and the little freakazoids were off...zipping between the other skaters, diving, rolling...  And their mom...all bundled up watching with pride.  Those kids are pretty cool.  They'd go around once or maybe twice..waving at me...or stopping for a hug...  putting on a little show...reeally working it when someone notices them... LOL...little shits...

At some point, the wind picked up.  I couldn't feel my feet or hands and gave the boys the five minute warning.

And we caught a cab to go home.  Momma and the cold don't see eye to eye.

When we got in we had some tortilla's and salsa and snuggled up on the couch.  At some point, we all fell asleep, Red curled up in front of me...Saminator curled up at my legs with his head on my butt ...  I woke up stroking my older boy's hair as he slept, and buried my face in Red's neck...just feeling his soft warm skin, breathing his little boy smell...  I only get one day a week, but it's our day.

I tried to slip away to make dinner but woke them...and they watched TV with that sleepy little almost awake stare as I prepared dinner, and some Rice Krispie squares for dessert.

Soon enough I was turning the TV off and putting dinner down on the coffee table.  One more week and the dining room set comes in...hurray!  No more sitting on the floor around the coffee table.  Well...no more HAVING to sit there...we undoubtedly still will..it's all good :)

Me, flanked by Red and Sam, on the floor, at the coffee table..having dinner.  Pork chops, simmered in soup, with mashed potatoes.  mmmmm...  Our conversation went somewhat like this:

Me: "We need to go on vacation....where would you like to go?"

Saminator:  "Mexico"

Me, thinking are you crazy??? "Oh you don't want to go there..."

Saminator: "Why not?"

Me: "Because if you eat the ice cubes you get the poops"

Red:  "what's the poops?"

Me:  "Well, first your stomach makes this noise....rrrrrrrraaaruuurrrrrr"

Saminator and Red giggle and repeat noise.

Me:  "Then  you do this.." make motion with arms of running furiously, eyes wide, lips forming silent 'oh'....

Saminator and Red...laugh and repeat motion.

Me:  "Then you sit on toilet and your stomach makes noise (even louder)....RRRRRRAAARUUUURRRR"

Saminator and Red now standing up...laughing and making noise...

Me:  "and you have to hold on tight to the toilet...cuz the poop is coming out and it's going to shoot you straight up through the ROOF!!!!"

(my kids are soooo gonna need therapy)

Saminator and Red now rolling around laughing hysterically...

:)

So Mexico was a no.  They didn't want the poops.
They certainly won't eat Mexican ice cubes.

But Disneyland is something they are definitely pulling for.

We'll see.

"We'll see"...gawd I sound like my mother...  heh heh heh

The Wii occupied the boys as I tidied up and before we all knew it, it was time for pajamas..and bed.

Toronto seems relatively unscathed.

It was a good day.

Every girl should have a Duckman

Duckie, the laughable, lovable, dependable and secretly lovestruck best friend of Molly...in 1984's teen hit, 'Sixteen Candles'.

And it may have taken him 20 years to come clean...but it turns out I had my own Duckie.....

My Duckie was still a little mad at me for never noticing that he had the worlds biggest crush on me.  I remind him that he could have asked me on a date, for example...that may have tipped me off.  He always carries on about never missing a single one of my track and field practices...blah, blah, blah...  Whatevs...  :)  


Bottom line is, I always counted him among my favourite people...he was so funny, and I just loved being around him.  When he moved away, the school halls got much dimmer for me.


Then along comes Facebook...and old friends become new friends again!  (insert that choir of angels and open the heavens)  And this is when my Duckman came clean.  He loves me. He looooves me.  He thinks I'm awesomesauce.  He loves his wife and kids more...but he loves me too!


:)


The last year, I have found that he is still the same old Duckman, just waaay not shy anymore.  Although, I think if he thought for one minute that I wasn't allergic to married men, the cuddling, make out and spanking offers would be few and far between.  meh... He knows it makes me laugh.


It's peanut butta jelly time...it's peanut butta jelly time...


In the summer, Duckman absolutely thrilled Saminator and Red when he hung out with us.  Duckman happens to be a Flight Engineer for the Canadian Armed Forces... he's a soldier!!!  Woooooaaahhh!!  The boys thought they had died and gone to heaven!  They were slightly intimidated at first, you know...big dude with gun n'all..but Duckie is tremendous with kids and they had themselves a favourite Uncle Duck in no time. 

We went to the Hamilton Warplane Museum.  What an experience when you have a personal tour guide :)

But no summer day is complete without a trip to Port Dover, and that famous Arbour Dog.  We were enjoying said culinary delights at a picnic table, when Red decided he did not want the slice of pickle that was on his hotdog.  So he picked it up and tossed it...  It landed squarely on the eye of Duckman's cool man sunglasses with a squop...and it stayed there.  Big tough seasoned armed forces Duckman didn't flinch..and both boys froze...  Until they glanced at their very immature mother...  I had tears rolling down my face as I tried to contain the laughter.  Come on brother...a pickle in the eye?  That's some funny shit dude!  


My Duckman :)


He seems to have assumed the roll of my guardian, big brother, shoulder to cry on...  I'm not sure how I could ever  express to him just how much he means to me.  What a blessing, a true true friend he is.  And I hope he knows that I'm always there for him too.  Just not for that.


He spent a half an hour on video call with me tonight, making me laugh, and talking me out of the bluesy mood I had settled into...all lameass boy nonsense of course...  He says someday, some lucky guy is going to see me just the way he sees me.  Now isn't that the best shit you ever heard?  Huh?  And also, he threatened to lay a beating on the guy that hurt me.  Not THAT rocks!  :)  


Cause this guy, would do some damage....

Oh yeah...don't mess with the Awesomesauce...Duckman has her Six.  


....Or is that Nines...  I dunno...  I never said I was cool...


But I don't have to be...cuz I have me a Duckman.

Speaking Canadian eh?

People are people are people...and what insults one, is funny to another.

When my friend from England was over for a visit last year, he would often lose me with his rapid fire lingo and quirky British sayings.  Now, we both speak English..but my ear was simply not tuned in to that heavy accent...  I'd get this blank look on my face and he'd say 'ye didn't gitta word didja luv'...and then me...uhhh no...could ya try again but slower...or try that again in Canadian please?  And we'd laugh.

A gentlemen of Eastern decent was on the phone with me at work..and I couldn't understand a word he said, he accent was so heavy.  The more I asked him to repeat himself, the more agitated he became and the heavier his accent became.  I apologized, and told him that his accent was very heavy and asked him to speak a little slower, and he quipped one word answers..which I understood.  He hung up with me and called my coworker to complain that I was racist.  WTF...

I suppose we disagree on the definition of racism...what can I say...

Now we all know in the English language there are many words that sound the same but have different meanings.  It's been a long time since grade school..but I think that's called a homonym...right?  Whatevs...

The introduction of different languages puts quite a spin on this..and the outcome can be hilarious...

I took this picture on my home from work on Friday....

I wonder how good business is?

Meh...

I'm gonna grab my tuque and head out for a beer eh...and any of you hosers that don't laugh can take off eh...

Another weekend...

I'm gonna give y'all the lowdown on this cool chick's weekend (sputter, cough, gag)...

Friday, I was stood up...yet again...by cute boy mentioned a gazillion blogs ago...  What makes me particularly pathetic folks...is that this bloke has either stood me up or cancelled on me approximately 8 out of 10 dates.  So while I blissfully made it to date 2...I'm thinking that's all folks.  Yeah...I'm slow...  Sigh...just kept hoping he was telling the truth ...  It's so hard to find a dude I'm actually attracted to dammit!!

Ah well...I finished the first Twilight book.  Listened to some Guns N Roses...was feeling all melancholy and shit...Don't Cry gets me everytime!  I'm such a sap :)  Fell asleep on the couch wrapped in a blanket my mom made me for my birthday...

Saturday morning I coloured my hair.  My sister sent me a box of hair colour for Christmas, and I have to say, that while I appreciated the practicality of the gift, and the intent that I spend some time pampering myself, it definitely rates as one of the oddest gifts ever received for Christmas.  Not the oddest...that prize goes to Nona Stravato... Each year she gave practical gifts too...  like a jumbo box of baby wipes...or saran wrap...once even, a jumbo box of black garbage bags...  It's all good though and it made me smile, which is what I suspect my sister thought it would do.  Within a couple of hours I was transformed into hot mahogany brown cherry highlighted momma...

And then the boys showed up with XX.  I had purchased the three of them tickets to Monster Jam truck rally for Christmas..and tonight was the night.  The plan was they would hang out with me throughout the day..go to the truck show (dirt and noise...yay) and then sleep over.  XX in the roomate's bed and the boys, dismissing the normal beds I usually make up for them, insisted on sleeping with me.  God bless their cotton socks.

Side note...I kicked ass in the kitchen that day!!  I love cooking for other people and so I whipped up this fantastic brunch...biscuits, bacon, plain scrambled eggs for boys and a scrambled egg experiment that was fanfrickintastic!  Try using red pepper garlic oil...saute ham and onion, add beaten eggs and stir 'till cooked, then add mozzarella cheese...voila!  Heaven!  For supper I made my famous Sheppard's Pie..and I'm not sharing the recipe.  plththtth

Sigh...I miss having people to cook for :(

Throughout the day the boys played with the Wii.  Words will never quite give justice to what I witness when these two little monkeys are boxing each other.  Not really having a clue what they are supposed to be doing, they both frantically shake the handheld remotes and nunchucks while doing this funky chicken dance...but they are quite serious.  And much to Saminator's very open dismay, Red usually beats the crap out him.  That kid is vicious my friends!  The best part is the celebration at the end...hands in the air, butt waggin...dancing in circles...

Nah..they aren't too competitive....

So Saturday night as I waited for the boys to get home, I read a little, played around on the computer...and watched Bridget Jones on TV.  As if I need anymore depressing truths on dating....

Boys came home...put them in my bed, went back to movie.

Now, Imma need to skip the next half hour because I donna wanna vent here... suffice it to say my XX is a jackass.  End of brief episode.

Into bed I crawl with 2 sleeping angels.  Listened to grinding teeth (oh me nerves), fought suffocation throughout night as the older one likes to throw arms and legs and half his body over me as if I'm just a lump in the bed...the little one peed and wasn't wearing a pullup (oh that was so not cool dude)...I removed feet from my ass, took a few elbows to the boobs...it was a GREAT sleep!  LOL...  But when I look at those peaceful little faces I really could care less about that...I miss them :)

So this morning, they were up and away for Saminator's hockey game back in Brantford for 8...and I had a day to myself, at home.

I hopped in the shower anticipating the arrival of the cleaning lady, Lisa at around 8...wanting to be out of her way.  I had pee to wash out of my bedding and wanted to bake a bit before doing a bit of shopping.  All of this I did. PS cookies went for shit.  Don't leave to cool for 3 hours whilst shopping...especially if they all kinda baked into each other.  Ended up breaking many of them as I removed them from my Pampered Chef baking sheet.  They are now saddest looking cookies on planet.

And I lost my train of thought again....

Oh yeah...

It was nice to finally chat with Lisa .. usually I'm not home when she gets there.  I think I may have found a new friend here in this big ole city.  She's a lovely lady about my age who came to Toronto from Grenada.  She's beautiful, single, levelheaded and hardworking.  She could care less about finding a man, says it's not stopping her from doin' her ting...  My kinda chicklet.  :)  Will have to have that girl over for movies, pizza and ice cream soon!

So really...it was a strange weekend...  Started out a little disappointing but ended nicely.

And here I am, Sunday evening.  Most dreaded night of the week for Singleton, if I may steal from my friend Bridget.

Here's to smiling, hoping and keeping da faith :)

That Twilight series...

Oh am I ever getting sucked in to this book.... 

Teenagers and vampires.  Good gawd I've finally lost my mind.

But it's gooooood.... my guilty little pleasure.  A guilt derived from years of experience that tells me just how much bullshit lies between the pages...

So here's this clumsy 'Average Jane'...meets the ultimate Bad Boy, gorgeous, intelligent...perfect at everything he does.

Eye roll....

And of course..he falls head over heels in love with her...swears that he will protect her for as long as he lives (which is, like, forever dude, since he's immortal) and pledges his undying love...literally.

Like any chick wouldn't dig that.

HOWEVER...there's real life.

So let's do the Reader's Digest version of the 'happily ever after'.  You know...after the wedding...

So the handsome groom maybe doesn't require for you to cook for him....but I don't imagine the task of doing the laundry after one of his 'hunts' would be fun.  Do your own laundry Super Freak.

Do you think he pees on the toilet seat?  What kind of toothbrush does he need?

Oh gawd the babies...  NURSING!!!  Lawdy..imagine those sharp little baby fangs on the nipples...holy cripes...owe...owe...owe

And he's 17 forever....how much 'his flavour' are you gonna be when you are wrinkled and saggy everywhere.  I mean, honey...good for you...but eegads, I'm feelin for HIM!

Anyway...at the moment, I too find myself swooning everytime he wraps her up in his arms..his gentle touch, his adoring eyes...sigh....

We can pretend.

I am tired

I don't know exactly why, I just am.

Could be the 45-50 hours a week I work...or the driving back and forth between Toronto and Brantford every weekend to see the kids play hockey at 7AM...  Maybe I'm fighting a virus or something...everyone is puking at home...  Maybe it's the fact that I don't see daylight..  I dunno.  I can't blame it on my wild night life..well...not this week anyway...

Maybe it IS just winter blahs...ya think?  Getting back to the lack of daylight...some sort of Vitamin D deficiency?  hmmmm

Gawd..I'm boring myself...

I'm tired AND bored AND boring....yawn....

I'm thinking I should do something about this.  I live downtown Toronto...IN the Entertainment District!  Why the hell have I spent the last 2 evenings wrapped up in a blanket reading Twilight?  Other than the fact of course, that the heroine in this story has even worse luck than I when it comes to dating....vampires...cripes...  It's actually a feel good book for someone who only seems to get past the first date well..um...three times in the past year...once even lasted a couple of months...  So far, none of these fine choices in men have tried to eat anyone...hurray for me!

What was I on about? 

Oh yeah...

I am tired, bored and boring....

But I have the power to change this...

Tomorrow night, Work Sista and I have plans to tear up the town....we will return to the Irish Embassy dressed looking HOT...and I doooo mean hot :)  If you get ready for night on town while indulging in Grey Goose...or Spiced Morgan and Coke say...you get hotter and hotter...until ...dayaammm we hot girl!!!   So it's off to the Irish pub to start...and from there...who knows?????  Who cares???? 

Tonight, I dunno... 

The thought of going to a local haunt alone, hoping the man of my dreams will approach me..the beginning of a beeeyoutiful relationship...  Well, seems utterly pathetic at moment. 

So I'll stop at the drugstore and pick up some Vitamin D on my way home....

and I'll wash it down with a double Grey Goose and make a few calls :) 

It's not a complete plan, certainly not a fool proof plan...but it's a start.

Cheers!

Okay it's TRUE!!!

I had KFC for lunch!!!

Gawd help my hips, I caved in and went to KFC.  I ordered the Big Fresh Sandwich and fries.  I showed mediocre restraint when she asked if I wanted to poutine those fries and I declined....  But I did order a bag of brownies to finish this little bad boy off....  I damned near puked as I wiped the 2 inches of mayo off the sandwich, but I did eat the whole thing.

It's all true.

So if one more dude walks past my desk gawking at the grease soaked brown bag bearing the grinning colonel's face, I will surely drive one finger down my throat and regurgitate said brownies on someone's boots.  Everyone else goes on a New Year's diet, and I'm not allowed to have a disgusting lunch now and again??

And PS....when did my ass become corporate concern?  hmmmmm????

hmpft

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ugh....my stomach hurts.....

Who's idea was this??

Driving

Before I get started..I'm going to take a deeeep breath...

And I'm going to give you a cool little cruising song...no one does cool like Tracy Chapman, and this is my version of 'Drive'...  The lyrics have nothing to do really with this ongoing issue of mine..but it is a wicked cruising song and it's just gonna have to do....

Drive

I know that God created us all as unique individuals.  We all see things from different perspectives, we react differently to different situations....we think differently.

Drink of coffee....another breath....

Awe ta hell with it...why am I being nice...it's my damn blog!!!

sigh....

I just wish that people would execute their God given choice to utilize their brains to full capacity. 

Honestly,  I don't care what one does on their own time, when it afffects no one but themselves....

....but these people go out in public....and what's worse, they operate vehicles. 

Let's talk 3 lane highways.  The middle lane is for trucks, vehicles doing the speed limit...reasonable type folk.  The lane to the right..also known as the slow lane...is for slower vehicles, and merging traffic.  The lane to the far left, also known as the FAST lane..is for (pay attention now) FASTER VEHICLES AND PASSING.  That's P.A.S.S.I.N.G. 

IF YOU AREN'T PASSING...GET THE HELL OUT OF THE PASSING LANE!!!!!!!!

I am sooo flipping tired of the feeble minded morons that putt along in the fast lane for no particular reason at all.  Is the concrete prettier to them?  Did something shiny attract them there???  Do they get their rights and lefts mixed up???

Gawd help me I'm going to go crazy one of these days.

It's usually the slowest, most aggrevating people that do this...and they loooove to block you in so you can't go around...or speed up when you try to pass them....and they always, always, always decide to enter the fast line right in front of ME..........not to pass someone in front of THEM..........ohhhhh noooooo.............just because, because they are freaks of nature!!!!

........breathe........

Lucky for these douchebags, I am passive aggressive.  I prefer to shoot my mouth of in the isolation of my vehicle...

I do wish there was a thing for this.  I'm thinking some kind of roll down sign you hang from the inside of your car...  Hit a button and a sign unfolds, displaying your current thoughts out the rear window for the asswipe behind you.  It would have to be digital so you could change it up once in awhile.

I'd say things like "MOVE OVER IF YOU AREN'T PASSING"  or maybe "ASSHOLE" or "WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU"....it would probably depend on how long I was stuck behind some jerk and how mad I got...whatevs...

Actually I'm probably too much of a chicken...would worry that the driver was some psycho that would chase me down and shoot my sorry ass....

But it's fun to think about being tough and rebellious.

:)

I'm a thinker

Every once in awhile I have these revelations.  Typically they emerge from frustration, lack of instant gratification or pure laziness.  And they always start with "we need a thing to do this".

So here we are, at the end of the jar of peanut butter.  And here I am licking the peanut butter off my knuckles.  It's impossible to get the goods out from the bottom of the jar without getting the goo on your hand...unless of course, you use a bigger knife, or long handled spoon. 

But we don't have those here at work.

We have little, cheap ass plastic knives.  That incidently bend when you try to scoop the peanut butter.  So I have to use a cheap ass plastic spoon to dig out the PB and then transfer from spoon to toast with cheap ass knife.

sigh

Now I could simply bring in something more suitable.  Or perhaps chuck the last of the peanut butter and open up the new jar. 

But I am too stubborn to give up on the last bit at the bottom...mocking me...  I'm also too forgetful to bring in a real knife.

So as I was staring at the cheeky remains of PB at the bottom, it occured to me .. insert light bulb over head .. that if the bottom of the jar pushed up (like my Pampered Chef measuring cup..or a Push-Pop)...then I wouldn't be in this predicament at all! 

The evolution of the peanut butter jar begins ...

Alas...

God gave me imagination, not skill.  So this brilliant idea will remain simply that.

Big Bro J-L told me I should shut up and make something, then go on that show...the Dragon's Den or whatever it's called.  You know, the big panel of snotty rich people that tell the guests how stupid they are? 

Yeah that's for me...

Besides, should you decide to develop and market something, it takes reasonable skill and planning.

And I can't remember to bring a big knife to work.

But listen...if you ever see a push up peanut butter jar on the shelves...just remember, you heard it here first!

My horoscope for 2010

SCORPIO - The Addict



EXTREMELY adorable. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Will try almost anything once. Loves to be pampered. Energetic. Predictable. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want.. Attractive. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Loves to party but at times to the extreme. Loves the smell and feel of money and is good at making it but just as good at spending it! Very protective over loved ones. HARD workers. Can be a good friend but if is disrespected by a friend, the friendship will end. Romantic. Caring.. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
 
This, along with the horoscopes for all the other signs, was in my inbox this morning.  Note the 4 years of bad luck I'll get if I don't forward the email.  I take no chances..it was forwarded. 
 
I'm wierdly superstitious that way actually.  If I read it, I will forward it.  If I suspect there might be some strange voodoo jinx at the end of an email that I'm not interested in, I won't read it.  I figure if I haven't read it, I should be okay to delete it without worrying about said voodoo jinx affecting me.
 
So far so good...
 
Knock on my wooden head....
 
Ohhhh...there's another superstition.... 
 
It's not entirely my fault you know...  My mother is British.
 
For those that need further explanation than that... the British are very superstitious.  My father commonly refers to my mother as the witch doctor.  Just now realized how utterly horrid that sounds.
 
But he is referring to her many many superstitions, most of which I continue on with.  Just in case. 
 
 - Spill salt, throw it over shoulder.  Since I can't remember which hand or which shoulder, I do both.  Cover all bases....
 - Don't walk under ladders.  Not only is this going to ward off bad luck, but makes absolute sense as you never know when the ding-dong up the ladder may drop something.
 - Never ever, under any circumstances, open an umbrella indoors.  Somewhere there is a picture of Neomom and I sitting in living room wearing cheeky grins under open umbrellas we received as gifts one Christmas.  I think my mother nearly had a heart attack.
 - Never ever put new shoes on the table.  Don't ask, I have no clue...
 
The older I get, the more superstitious I get about these things...as I said...just in case.  Nobody gets hurt and I am not tempting fate.
 
Or voodoo or Karma or whatever. 
 
It's maybe taken me 38 years, but I've figured out the best plan is to not piss anyone off...imaginary, godly or earthly.  It's not a foolproof plan, and I am a fool...but it is a plan.  Hopefully intentions count for something.
 
Anyways...back to the horoscope.
 
It's all true.  Especially the adorable part.
 
:)
 
 
 
 

Ah the smell of a beer soaked coat

Soooo...

We lost the World Junior Hockey to the United States.  The freaking United States.  Couldn't be Russia or like...anyone else...  It had to be the US.

So now, we get to sit and listen to my American colleagues gloat.

Bastards.

We were supposed to be gloating.  After all, it's our flippin game!!!

hmpft

It was an exciting game!  I watched intently from my perch at the bar in front of big screen at a very very crowded Jack Astors....

I don't remember the names of any of the players...so bear with me as I fill you in quickly on the highlights. 

There was a moment when our goalie made a lovely pass to a US player..a pass that ended up being an assist. 

Bonehead.  We pulled him...

We were down by 2 in the third period when we slipped in first one goal..and a few minutes later the goal that tied us up.  The bar was in complete chaos...arms up, people clapping and yelling...hooting and hollering...strangers hugging and slapping each other on the back...  I even had the pleasure of getting my back and coat bathed in beer from the young man watching the game behind me...  freak...  Meh..  It's all good ...

However, in overtime, a US brat managed a bullet that blew past our goaltender.  The entire bar was silent...waiting for the replay...did that really just happen?

Yeah...it did...

**  SOB  **

Dean and Todd from 102.1 did manage to pull a smile from me this morning on the way to work.  You see, they made a valiant attempt to assist the Canadian team.  During the wee hours of the night before the game...like 4AM or so...the buggers actually phoned several of the US team players, while they peacefully slept in their hotel rooms.  Waking them up, wishing them luck...secretly hoping they wouldn't be able to go back to sleep.  heh heh heh 

Niiiice....

Didn't work though. 

Egg on collective Canadian faces....

Losing totally bites.. BUT..wipe your tears boys and girls...there's always next year :)

Just as a side note...the Leaf's did win last night ...  Yay!!!!

My poor car

Sheeza notso pretty these days...

I drive this sweet little Dodge Avenger...a small version of the Charger...  Not quite an awesomemobile, but pretty, and quick...and it has all the bells and whistles.

I always laugh when at car lots and they talk about the basic package.  That's a matter of perspective isn't it?

To me, the basic package includes automatic, power windows, air conditioning, cruise control...

The bells and whistles are the heated seats, the dohickey thing between the seats that keeps your cold drinks cold and your hot drinks hot, the automatic defrost on the side view mirrors, the thingamabop on the dash to put your drinks in and keep them cold...kewl dude...

I was so excited when I found my baby, shiiiiny....

And the first time I drove her...she handles with speed and grace.  She's a gorgeous, classy grey...sleek curves and sexy lines... 

Don't know if you are picking this up, but I love that car...

But she doesn't wear the winter tires or salt baths very well.  What a sad sight to see, the morning after the drive home the night before.  Smeared windshield..streaks of white down the sides...sad old plain looking winter tires...

sniffle

This is not a great time of year to run out of windshield wiper fluid, speaking of streaks of salt.  It can be a harrowing drive when you are on the highway, windshield wipers smearing layers of the crap splashing up from the car in front of you..and no wiper fluid to clean the salty glaze... 

You pull the wiper fluid thingamajiggy handle on the steering column as hard as you can, desperately trying to squeeze out the last few drops, so that you can see...just a little corner will do...

It's just not a cool place to be...

Anyway....

I need to find a car wash on the way home...baby needs a bath....